My First Post:

Whew, I think I should have taken myself out to dinner or something before just going ahead and posting like this. I mean, this is my first time and all. A little wine perhaps to loosen myself up. A little romantic music maybe. Hey, this is the Zeros so I think not. I think Ill just push myself into this. Ahem.

I figured I would first comment on traffic lights as that was what was plaguing me today. I am sure they were a great idea when they were first invented in 1910 or so (by one Earnest Sirrine who did patent this wonderful idea). I mean in 1910 there were a few thousand autos in the whole world, rather than the 14 billion that were on Torrance Avenue alone this afternoon. Apparently traffic engineers (hell of a term, traffic engineers but I guess it makes sense as they have indeed engineered traffic), time the lights so that you hit each one red just as you are approaching it. This has the effect of making you want to open your car door, and allow your head to be dragged down the pavement just to distract you from the utterly senseless waste of your time you are experiencing.

Little boxes on metal poles that turn yellow, then red just as you believe you will make it through one green. It is as though there are little folks in towers watching your car proceed down the avenue and they the press magic buttons to change the lights to red as you close in on one. You can imagine a whole room of these "traffic engineers" drinking and laughing as they identify a car (usually mine) and then proceed to see just how much a single individual can take. This could be a good job as it would be a government job (good retirement) and would wield awesome power. And the entertainment derived from doing your "job" would probably be quite satisfying. Any car you don't like (large SUVs, Old Toyotas, Volvos) could be selected and then screwed with until you feel good about yourself. And, you would be getting paid. Yes, maybe one of the best jobs on the planet (as long as you didn't have to drive too far to get to your assigned monitoring tower).

And that's really the secret to life isn't it? Finding a great job.

You don't want to be one of those people who don't like their jobs. You know the type. You see them every day. Sometimes you expect it; Like the garbage man who's a tad on the cranky side when its 120 out and dumpsters are at their peak in ripeness. You almost expect it when he tears the handle off your garbage can. Or the plumber when you show him your backed up toilet that has been that way for 3 days since the all you can eat Mexican buffet. In situations like that you somewhat expect a sour attitude. It is the reason you put off calling the plumber in the first place. But after several days of applying ever greater quantities of Liquid Plumber you are eventually forced to call one of those numbers listed in the yellow pages with a red lightning bolt with the words "radio dispatched" on it and the picture of the smiling, happy plumber dressed in spotless whites. When he shows up and you walk him down the hall, the smell increasing with each step finally arriving at the now horrific swirling mass of refried beans (or at least it looks like refried beans), you don't expect him to be in a good mood. It would worry you if he suddenly smiled and told you how much he loves his job and how clogged toilets, is his specialty. No, his reaction, calming muttering "Damn it Damn it" under his breath is what is reasonable in that situation.

But there are many people who don't like their jobs and sometimes its totally unexpected. What is so hard about working at the DMV? Why do these folks seem so cranky? You ask if your form is filled out correctly or if you have waited for the last 4 hours of your life in the right line and you distinctly hear them mutter "Damn it Damn it", as they point you to some other line. But could it be that these people actually are enjoying what they do and it is in the torturing of the public that inwardly puts the smile on their faces?

Maybe it is a grand plot by the government to get you to not use the DMV facilities. It certainly works for me as I do indeed avoid the DMV.

But what of the "Traffic Engineers" and traffic lights. Are they to discourage us from driving and perhaps encourage the use of more enlightened means of transportation such as.... ah... walking since there isn't much in the way of public transportation. Hmmmm.

Or maybe it is just the alcoholic beverage companies behind the scenes. Abuse the people and they will want to drink and drink heavily. Yes, it all makes sense. Let me get that glass of wine I should have had before I started this post.